Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
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He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
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So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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