I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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