My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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