i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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