I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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