i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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