You can't motorboat a personality
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She's the barista slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize