I can tuck mytits in my pants
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
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That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
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Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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