we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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