like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
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I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
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Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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