the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
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Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
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you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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