So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize