FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
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He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
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There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
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