I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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