standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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