based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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