Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
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He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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