We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
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I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
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After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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