I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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