I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
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once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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