The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
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We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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