I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize