is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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