good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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