I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize