I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Houston, we have a blender
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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