I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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