I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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