Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
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If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize