So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
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All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
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I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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