apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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