I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
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This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
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I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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