I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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