What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize