After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
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That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
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Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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