I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize