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HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
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