Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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