and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
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when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
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Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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