You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
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She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
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Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize