oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
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my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
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He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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