I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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