He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The air was thick with penises
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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