Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize