i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
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Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
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Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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