one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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