May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
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Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Is this like a preordered booty call?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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