i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
high people should be assigned attendants
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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