We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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