All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
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Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
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Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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